Monday, 16 July 2012

Lessons that ought to be taught at school

Exams have been done away at school or so i have been told. The small shoulders of school going children can carry only so much.The argument was competition for more and more 'marks' was driving Indian parents mad who in turn drove children mad and suicidal !

How about a volte face? Why not teach the children at school both at primary and secondary the life skills and habits that will actually do them good.
When i was in school we had moral science  and art and craft as a subject. In senior years[ VII,VIII,IX  and X] we girls at this convent school were taught basics of cooking and sewing with cold zeal but nevertheless a subject where one could get marks in SSC.

I can personally vouch that all the skills which i actually use i learnt at school. I didn't have to but it just turned out that way.There was way more innocence and respect for authority and we had okay teachers - most of them were average and lazy but there were 3-4 who were really good and most importantly kind ! Our class room size was around 50-60.

I or my sisters [we all studied in the same school] never really had issues with studies . We were hardworking, quiet students and we scored more than 85 % always.We got plenty of certificates for best student and one my siblings got them every year for every subject. My parents were cool,non competitive and naive.They thought we are scoring well so career wouldn't be a problem. Of course they were wrong : getting a job and advancing in a career for a Muslim woman was rarer and still rare in India.

Most people like to blame Muslims for lack of education .Look around there are so many educated muslims but they are still a rarity in Government jobs and muslim woman is just a statistic when it comes to competitive job markets. There is still no affirmative action as such for poor muslims.Thank god India's economy opened up .. now a muslim has equal chances in private sector. Atleast an educated muslim will get a job even if he has no contacts ! In india ,most muslims are business men : you can work and pray on your premises without the majority looking at you suspiciously or worst distrusting you just because you pray namaaz.

So here's what i think ought to be taught in school along with history and maths because from my experience i know a few years down the line when adulthood and responsibility stares down at you, you 'd wish for better coping skills and life skills.

1. Money management:
    From what i have seen around me: parents these days spoil their children silly.   They talk the language of money. They bribe and console with money. And then they are surprised why their children turn up the notch and heckles and are spoilt rotten !In some cases they have no respect for parents anymore.

Money just buys comfort and not happiness. Its value is only 'ascribed value'. Its only important when you don't have much or less of it.I think schools should take up teaching money management depending on their ages because most children learn nothing about it at home.

2. Moral science: I know ,...why do we need morals ? Disgusted as we may be with what is happening in India at present i doubt if present generation of kiddies are getting any moral education at home. There is no nani or dadaji to teach ethics and in some cases parents themselves have sketchy moral boundaries. nowadays, dadi or nani don't interfere in their grand children's upbringing in urban homes so as to not have clashes with the daughter in laws. Mothers don't have time to teach morals and Indian fathers [most of them] as usual do only one work: earning money and then sit and watch TV.

We used to have community living and moral science classes uptill sixth std. I was ok with those classes while i remember most of girls used to groan and complain because they used to not even pick up their plates at home and here in school we had to weed out gardens, water plants etc

3. Good manners:
   yep,strange as it may sound it would do well to teach very young boys and girls good manners at school. Nobody teaches their children to say thank you and sorrys strictly at home barring a few well mannered parents. Well mannered parents rarely translate into well mannered and conscientious children.It'd do world of good if guys were specifically told that urinating on the road as a norm is not ok and neither is clutching their private parts. Eve teasing is not ok. I think Indian boys are brought up very lethargically by parents when i think bringing up boys is a challenge in India today. One has to just look around and there are so many negative role models for guys. Girls are usually brought up like second class citizens and told to sit and talk and laugh in certain way. Be truly equal and teach the boys too !

5. Life skills:
      Cooking and bit of sewing, how to pay bills,How to buy and how to save . How to say no, how to be assertive, how to differentiate between good and bad, about consequences

We had knitting and crochet classes one year, art and craft another and i did what i wanted to do unabashedly. it helped my Mom knew sewing. But if i didn't have those classes at school , the germ of doing something with our own hands would not be sown in my head. I have knitted 5 sweaters in last 15 years, made atleast 17 salwar kameezes in last 5 years and countless repairs and alteration and mending.I Embroidered 7 ridas and 2 punjabis. I learnt the basics of embroidery, fabric painting and sewing at school. i doubt i would have done so much if i had not learnt in school. Sewing is delightful and instantly empowering !

And yeah teach the boys too. Teach them cooking and mending pro-actively so that they 'll see women less as housekeepers and more of human beings !At the same time they become self reliant and not mama's boys remembering mummy for only food and housekeeping !

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Diana of London !

The Big Bang Theory is my favourite sitcom and  for some one like me who was nerdy and geeky throughout school and college, Dr Sheldon Cooper is eeriely likable and lovable !
So 'Bazinga' has made way into my spoken English vocab permanently. I don't use slang much and my repertoire is also limited in that. So after i picked up 'chumma' ages ago ,'bazinga' is full throated and extremely energetic alternative to hurrah for me !
But this post is not about Sheldon Cooper but about a lipstick ! I purchased 2 Diana of London Surprise Lipstick in last 8 months or so. Prior to that, i didn't know anything about the brand .I had seen a couple of counters fleetingly : somewhere !
For those who don't know much about the brand scout its website here

On a whim, I purchased Ruby touch from DOL Surprise lipstick range.  I love cream matte finishes and these were advertised thusly.
I applied it and I was floored.

Its creamy, one swipe lipstick.Settles into a matte finish within 5-10 minutes and is light comfortable on the lips. The best thing: It covers my dark pigmented lips in one swipe and stays put for  5-6 hours with drinking and light eating.My lips are dry though lip balm is like my second skin . But like Revlon's Mattes this is moisturizing and smooth on lips !
It has light smell but disappears on application.If they make it fragrance free it'll become a perfect tube lipstick in Rs 400-525 range.

No lipstick does this - no revlon , no max factor. Infact i have used and loved Revlon 's Superlustrous range but this DOL lipstick is in comparison with Revlon's Matte Lipsticks.  And my issue with staying power of most lipsticks is solved.

Those of you who love matte creamy lipstick get this asap ! Its long lasting without claiming so.
And those who are fair and porcelain will love the nude and pink based colours !

The only problem is the colours in Indian markets are very European ! Except for 5-6 dark shades, most colours are jhatak and suited for light fair to medium skin !

Yet ,i suggest trying the shades if you find a counter or if ordering online dusky girls stick to darker shades.
I have bought  :
1.Ruby touch - a reddish wine with brown ...its beautiful !
2 Sunkist - orange-brown with muddy pink tones - aptly named sunkissed . It is as i imagined because this one i had ordered online !

I paid around 300 + for each but now the prices have increased but online you can get them discounted off the MRP. I'll never pay Revlon''s asking price of 450- 525 again[ barring Revlon Matte range] because these are better and superb !
 I just hope DOL doesn't mess with this current formula they have and only changes it for the better !

My camera is non functional at present but i 'll upload swatches as soon as i can so please bear with me !

P.S: DIANA OF LONDON has not paid/ gifted me to do this post

Friday, 29 June 2012

Hair care

This is my entry to some contest[Dove Hair aware App].. but i was going to write this anyway...this story is about my hair which though dead has mind of its own !

I did not have 'hair problems' while growing up . I was a content teenager and young 20 year old as well. I have chopped off my hair at least once a year for different hairstyles simply because i had a neighborhood parlour aunty who gave me fabulous hairstyles. A new haircut drastically different every year became my thing !

I used to use Soap on my hair - a blasphemy on many counts today. The truth is i still do sometimes ! I have tried practically every cheap and decently priced shampoo in the market in last 18 years. I have used Dove too and Dove is up there with all its contemporaries. But i love Dove conditioners and hair masks more. Its easy on the pocket ,moisturising and a little goes a long way.

My hair problems started when i fell ill with typhoid when i was 26 . After the antibiotic course, days of illness my hair fell off in clumps. It became half of the previous thickness and it has never been the same.
But i had to hold on to whatever hair was left so  i listened to my mom ...Again !
Here's what i did and am doing to maintain my hair:

1. I eat healthy diet ..i mean if you can forget that our fruits and vegetables are loaded with pesticides ..then yes i eat more of unpolished brown rice, chapati instead of bread . I  try ..I do!

2. My hair care is pretty simple. i use hair oil - the pure oils . massage and keep over night.I have used coconut oil mostly mixed with castor oil. But i have been making my own herbal oil with coconut oil.But since we girls get easily bored.. i have used til oil and olive oil too.

3.Wash my hair with reetha and shikakai liquid: in a pinch however i use shampoo !

4. I apply egg mask twice a month.
    Here's my recipe for it:
   Take 1 egg , 1 tbsp of lemon juice and castor oil 1 tbsp and any other oil like coconut oil 1 tbsp and blend it happily to almost make mayonnaise out of it. You can add curd to it too. I apply this properly and keep it for 3-4 hours. I wash off with shampoo because i hate the smell of egg in my hair.
But i swear,...this makes my hair BIG,bouncy and shiny for days to come.If i have henna around in my house i soak it in lemon juice overnight and mix it too in this pack[ about a tablespoon of henna]

4. Another thing i do regularly is vinegar rinse. I buy brewed vinegar for this. Whether i shampoo or use reetha liquid i always do vinegar rinse.
When i have time i do this :
I apply conditioner after shampooing , keep it for 5 minutes and then rinse out with diluted vinegar [ 1 tbsp of vinegar mixed with 1 cup water }

5. I have not colored my hair ever. Now i am gearing up to be happy with few silver strands i see and delay coloring my hair as much as i can.

I have been following this schedule for last 9 years . i don't have dandruff in my hair. I do get occasional bouts of hair fall but i know its either because of hormones or some medicine and stress. yes I have been under constant stress from last 12 years !
So you see …and that is the end of my hair problems !
I have done and am doing so much for my hair and skin and like my Mom use to say if I had  taken half the care for my body i would be slim, athletic and a model ! C'est la vie !

Monday, 18 June 2012

advice

We all love giving advice especially non-tailored random advice. And especially advice the knocks of life that we went through made us learn. i was very big on giving advice when i was in college and more so in my early twenties. I am generally an outspoken and opinionated person who unfortunately was always well read in her life so giving sage advice came easy to me merely on heresy.
Now, i know how stupid that was...just because you happen to read a lot and therefore know a lot more doesn't qualify you to give advice. But old habits die slowly and sometimes not at all and therefore this blog. This blog is only about one thing which in real world matters 0.00001% - my opinions !

The first people who disregarded my advice were my sisters. They rebelled ,ignored and generally dismissed my advice on anything without even listening. But they did that with my parents too.That put me in my place but at that time i didn't realize that i have to stop giving advice to deaf ears ! Years went on, and it slowly dawned onto me that they don't want good and bad advice from me or my parents.  My mid 20s and late 20s and early 30's now were full of turmoil. I couldn't catch a break. Nothing was working out of me and then my mom fell horribly sick never to stand up again. I am running house ,cooking and cleaning buying groceries from last 6 years full time.  I am unappreciated and zombied and suddenly i realized i stopped giving much of advice from last 5-6 years to anyone !
A cruel reality is that my so called blood sisters who are now 30 and 33 don't do or take up responsibility even when told or specially asked and they have conveniently put all on me because i am unmarried and staying with parents.
 So prerequisite of giving advice is to assume the person whom you are giving advice is dumb, innocent, vulnerable....and as in my case this might not be true at all !
Now, my advice is not to give advice at all until and unless the other person begs for it ! Of course, this is only in real life. Blogs, your writings  and other creative outlets are strictly your domain so you can dole out advice by liters if you want !

Yet, old habits die real slowly and since nicotine like patch is not available for advice giving, arguing and anger i have consolidated few things i 'll never say to close or random people after a lot of thought now ! There are some advice in this list which i have never said because they have never appealed to me and there are some which i was guilty of.

  1. Be positive : i mean what does it anyway mean except a blood group ! This is the example of a total random thing to say.Its patronizing and condescending and when you tell someone to ' be positive' you have assumed the worse about the other person's frame of mind. As far as my experience goes most people including the sad, alone ones are usually hoping for the positive in every outcome of their lives. The depressed,disillusioned and sick are fighting their negativity in their lives - all they need is support and understanding. Saying  'be positive' is unhelpful and cruel to this group of people and a short cut !
  2. Why don't you do this /that to your face , wear this or that !: yeah seriously, are you a trained fashion designer or an expert ? Even the experts don't open their mouths untill they are paid for it ! I mean, women get so vicious about other women that they run them down behind their backs ,make fun of them . Get this, people like and unlike you on basis of clothes you wear or don't wear , how much make up you wear or don't wear are talking because of their insecurity. Just let it slide off your back like Aishwarya does and you have won !
  3. Why don't you eat less and work out and become fit ? : Women all over the world hear this a lot ! In India, we go a step ahead and decide arranged marriages and dowry on how fat or thin the girl is ! Your body will tell you when you go overboard, there'll be a wakeup call someday when you have been substituting food and pastries for emotions and happiness. But sadly, this is one thing which you have to decide yourself. Enough is enough you'll say and make lifestyle modifications to become fit. I think this is the only area where only parents can nudge and not 'push' for superficial reasons like marriage or sex appeal.
  4.  Why don't you try more, work harder ! : There is this notion in India that people who don't try or work harder are unsuccessful and less rich. This is the next most random advice doled out by successful and rich people and those who maintain status quo. People don't realize that they have struck out part by working for it, luck and by being in the industry which pays well just by being at the right time. I suspect many Indians already know this and that 's why most Indians push their children and pay through their noses to make them doctors, lawyers and engineers !There are people who have to struggle for every morsel and every opportunity and still they die without breaking even !So just thank your lucky stars and shut up !
  5. Respect him/ her they are older to you:  This advice is harmless and mostly results in uthak- baithak ! Respect is earned  so how much however you tell someone to respect someone the truth is all the salutations from young to old and junior to senior is only superficial and just good manners ! The British made the distinction between elaborate good manners and respect early on ! :-P
  6. Don't cry: ........or boys don't cry ! I have never been guilty of saying this to anyone since i am a big cry baby myself. And i think boys could do with little bit of crying now and then ! 
  7. Arrey, be happy and laugh na:  ....
    Or other form is you have so much going for you, be happy. Sages and wise people of the world have died saying this: you can't make someone happy or sad. So how meaningless it is to tell someone that they 'should be enjoying ,laughing and being happy just because they have xyz things and you don't [ the advice giver]
 See, after this list there doesn't remain anything to give advice on! Remember however, you may not give advice but you set boundaries what you'll tolerate and how much So opposite of advice i think is to set boundaries so human interaction don't grate on your nerves ! I have learnt about boundaries the hard way. Maybe some other time i'll talk about boundaries !

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Curves

Me and X were sitting on her porch the other day. Me and she, both were queasy and bloated [ yep our cycles matched this month !]. She was flipping through the magazine in which for the umpteenth time Vidya Balan said how 'proud she was of her curves' which X had read i think nth time !

 X: So curves are in !
Me: They were always in here in india... Kareena Kapoor and her publicist went crazy over the town proclaiming 'size zero figure' and spoilt the indian mentality briefly !
X: ...hmmm... so does curves being 'in' means i don't have to scramble to lose weight anymore !

i looked at her and said,
Me: Were you scrambling to lose weight? I didn't know ! Did you lose any ?
X :  just a couple of kilos ! [she said mockingly crying]
Me: [ i patted on her back and said] Hey that's good. Look, atleast you didn't gain any !
X: So, reallly tell me... guys who lusted after Vidya in 'The Dirty picture'....seeing the sales. Has the mentality changed?
Me: In marriage market ? For us?
X: God, it would be so great na... i no longer would have to lose weight just to improve my vital statistics to find a suitable boy in this wild indian marriage market. Wow, curves are in , curves are in ...! la la la

 Me: Wow, you are reading too much of these magazines and too much into Vidya Balan's proclamation ! Their lives are different ! And stop bothering about your weight ..you are fine. He's got to like you the way you are. Look, we disregard so much in the guy's looks.. Balding head, horrible skin, ungroomed beards and then their other special qualities- mama's boys, can't cook, won't clean,won't help in household chores and what not !

X: [ she cupped her chin and murmured] I haven't seen a single guy in last one year with hair on his head. They were all in different states of baldness. You are right ! SCREW THEM

Me: [smugly , i said] Guys rejecting girls on body weight alone... not worth our time ! And stop reading these costly fashion and movie magazines . There is already so much BS floating around on TV, movies and in real people's real conversations.......

X; [ she slapped her thighs and looked squarely at me] There you go....

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