indian men - 1

Here is the view of Anna Vetticad, journalist and a woman who probably works odd hours,and is 'independent' in aftermath of Delhi rape case.Worth a read !

if-i-went-to-the-delhi-cops-every-time-i-was-sexually-harassed-id-have-no-time-for-anything-else

Let's keep talking about sexual violence that happens to girls and women of all ages in india and how society condones it , how plain wrong attitudes and 'culture' condones it. Let's keeping talking about it till- something changes drastically. Till Indian men stop enjoying the pain of Indian women after they abuse, molest and dish out second class treatment to their women in their every day lives.Till Indian men and women stop blaming victims and instead speak to their boys and pull them up for their bad behaviour !

Let's keep talking!Make noise !

Hair wash mix-part 2

You know how it is...dry damaged hair, no time or whatever you are doing isn't working. Then you go out and ask more and try more.So i thought i'll simplify and declutter ,go minimalistic !

I just finished my stash of all different shampoos which had accumulated over the years. Some were freebies some were given by family to finish off because they didn't like them.So they accumulated.

I use expired shampoos to wash sweaters, silks  and dry clean only clothes. Sweaters become ultra soft and silk and costly cottons don't run colors and handwash becomes easy chore.
I also finished shikakai and reetha powders which i had bought thinking that i could eliminate soaking and boiling time with pods. But no, it didn't work !

I soak aritha and methi and/or pressure cook to speed up things.I use shampoos in between especially if i have run about the city a lot since pollution levels are pretty high in my city.

I was looking to finish masoor dal powder i use for face so one day i tried to use it to wash hair. I was so happy i tried it because the mix works beautifully on my hair. It works as conditioning pack cum wash in a jiffy.

Here's what i did:

I tbsp for masoor dal powder + I tsp khus powder

i used only these two ingredients but i think you can use any hair friendly herbs on hand.

Then I add 1 tsp brewed vinegar [ i love vinegar for hair] and 1 tsp dahi. You can increase dahi quantity if you want. But believe me i rather eat dahi than put more than necessary quantity on hair. Make paste with water.
The paste should be smooth and not very runny- just right so that application becomes easy. The whole idea is to make things easy for you.
Keep the paste [soaking time] outside for half an hour and then add 1/2 tsp shampoo, mix well. Apply to wet scalp only ,massage well. Keep for 15 mins only and then rinse it out properly. I use Biotique fresh lift shampoo.

If your hair is not very dirty you can omit shampoo and replace it with any conditioner[ about 1/2 tsp] .

I had heard how well dals clean hair.Infact, i have being using besan ,rice powder, sugar as body scrubs since my teenage years.Never felt the need to buy any body scrub.But with this mix ,after my hair dried, it was conditioned and squeaky clean. I loved it.For oiled hair, I suggest increase shampoo quantity to 1 tsp other wise you may have to rewash.

Do try and let me know.My guess is you may never want to use huge quantities of shampoo alone.

The necessary stuff

There are so many things we need on day to day basis.Sometimes the need is just one time use and then things just keep lying around and accumulate. We accumulate stuff. Sometimes just to please our vanity and sometimes on impulse we accumulate, gather and then we buy some more.

We indians were about recycle reuse and using things till its either broken down or till we find no use for it. We were ok with using second hand stuff ,sisters and brothers wore each other's clothes.Sometimes when you are lucky one rarely needed to buy those one time use items.

What happened? Americans are shifting away from consumerism and blatant mall culture and here we are lapping up more and more stuff. We buy and then we throw.China made items in all budgets have enabled everyone to buy everything brand new so even maids,drivers, watchmen are very reluctant to take all kinds stuff off your hands.What i have seen is they take only utensils,only barely used clothes and clothes in recent fashion. In short they take stuff that they can sell or currently use!

Only the very poor in India are willing to wear your pricey good quality second hand clothes ! There is absolutely pithy second hand value for plastics,some value for metals and i don't even know where one can sell second hand clothes. Everything used has become scrap. Or may be we are told so by savvy marketeers.

I am tired of clutter ....what i would really like is bare open well lit house with well placed wardrobe, linen closet and well designed bathroom. Only required furniture and a sit down baithak. I like to sit down so a baithak with pillows is very important.

I reuse ,recycle and upcycle.I do things which i can and make stuff mostly at home. I buy what i really really need and make place for it by removing other stuff. I like stuff one can wash and reuse.....less load on the environment.I would like to give away or sell many more stuff but i don't know where.

Do's if you want to lessen all kinds of clutter at home

1. Those B1G1 deals.....not a good idea atleast 90% of the time. Think carefully you are spending bloody so much that's why they are giving you that kind of deals.Chances are you'll use one stuff and probably get bored over time and not want to use the same 'free' item.Another bad deals are those buy at Rs xyz and get p, q and r free ! Those big jars with tonnes of product at discounted price which you may not use completely or it may expire before you finish it!
2. Online sites i have seen have increased free shipping quota.At first they sold at MRPs and had free shipping at Rs 250 or 300.That was fine. But now most of them have made Rs 500 for free shipping and plus a COD charge. So untill and unless your item is not available in your city, its pointless to bill uptill Rs 500 for one Rs 125 product you really need and which happens to be 5 rs off.
3. I don't buy clothes online because they are more expensive ,less variety and for my body and height type inappropriate. I don't trust the sites. In real life too,when one goes to the shop there is so much BS by the salesman about material, how many meters that trusting info on sites is too much for me.Buying clothes online may be appropriate for people who are of standard size and heights.
4. Amnesia: We forget that its already there in the house, or your husband or dad forgets. And then we have two or even three of the same items. So trim and recheck your closets,wardrobe periodically and share. Do you really need one more green color dupatta when you rarely wear dupattas? See if you can exchange ,share with mom,sisters etc. Old stuff especially your mom's is in and something like sarees you can probably even upcycle to salwar kameez or skirts.
5. Useless gifts: Repack and gift them to someone who may use or even needs it.People usually gift when there is any occasion but for small things you can gift any ways.You can even ask your friends or family if they want stuff you don't want.This is getting difficult i know.........because many people associate respect with ability to buy or don't like to take unwanted gifts.This is the main reason i gift only money or gift vouchers now.
6. If you have a small family and no time to clean, sort food grains,spices etc buy only those things in bulk which you'll sort and can keep pest free.Rest of the food stuff buy when you need or want to cook.This will reduce your load,keep kitchen pest free and reduce clutter.
7. If you are fashion conscious and love to wear different kinds of attire, ladies ...things can get pretty much out of hand. As women, our weights keep fluctuating and very few of us can go back to previous weigths.That means, blouses will get tight beyond extra silai and ready made clothes  DO NOT have extra seam which one rip and adjust.So if you wear ready made kurtas buy probably 2-3 a year and wear them off ! Don't hoard because local fashion changes every year. Buy stuff which will ease into your daily style and fashion and which you can wear off. If you are extremely fashion concious you'll probably accumulate more than you need. The tailoring costs for blouse and salwar kameezes are rocketing so can you imagine the amount you spend and then actually wear ?
8. If you are neat and tidy and handwash silks and good pure cottons and take good care of your clothes chances are they are going to last long. I recommend washing machine and semi-automatic at that to a bai ! Please wash your silks, embroidered clothes,woolens in reetha/Ezee/clear Shampoo.

wil mindsets change?

Will Indian mentality change? Maybe in another 100 years? maybe when there is certain amount of erosion of 'plain wrong' 'values and traditions'.Or may be when women become dying extinct species in India !

Overheard in Pune's PMT bus..........

Lady:[in marathi- i am transliterating] get up. Ladies seat.
Man:[ seating in ladies seat ]: ladies seat ...so what do i do..i am going to get up after few stops,sit that time.
lady: [to the conductor]: see, what he is telling..
Conductor: Oh ,you have sat uptill now na...chala chala get up.

The man mutters under his breath and gets up and vacates the seat.

Just few stops away i was standing there and i didn't even know that ladies seat enforcement was even being done seriously in Pune PMT. When it was introduced in pune nearly 5-6 yrs back, men resented it. Like stubborn asses, they refused to get up from marked and allocated seats. Now the buses have gone to the dogs and most markings have disappeared.As far as i know, ladies have stopped asking men to get up from ladies seat.Men still stubbornly occupy them.Conductors and PMT doesn't care.

After all this drama,an extra smart gentleman with a 10-12 yr old son in tow starts his monologue.He goes like this:

Man: [in educated marathi] There is ladies bus na to Hadapsar.Ladies should travel in ladies bus so they reach safely and men too can comfortably travel.

Conductor didn't reply back.

The point is not that men don't deserve comforts....but how much ? They are physically stronger than women.They use their physical strength and boast about it and show off whether in sports, office and at home.Yet, ALL the unpaid work is done by women.They come home to housewives, clean house, fed and bathed children and home-cooked food all free of cost and yet they grudge the basic rights of women which were anyways theirs to take.When it comes to sharing of 'outside the home' spaces, the hearts of Indian men shrink to minuscule level. They DON'T want women to share all their spaces: office, playgrounds, pavements ,public transports.They think all this belongs only to them that's why the few times i have travelled with my Dad in Mumbai locals they have pointedly told me that 'there are women coaches'.

Pune men are even more smart: they want women to wait for rare ,once in 5 hours PMT -only women bus so that they [men] can travel in peace !

a person died........

      the Delhi student who was gang-raped died at early hours today in Singapore...and Delhi police ramped up and secured vital points of Delhi and made some zones inaccessible to protestors.This is what Delhi police can do ! Probably ,anywhere in India police would do the same ! The police personnel are probably wondering what is the hullabaloo is all about. After all, it was not a terrorist attack ! just some girl raped.......died.

        Girls die all the time in India.True, men die too !But in India and other developing countries,women die mostly because of trauma, abuse and incredible hard lives...that's the difference !

I am for capital punishment for rape and castration for minor rapists. Rape also could be made non- bailable offence! The noose could be tightened and made so tight that men in India would think thrice before taking advantage of women in vulnerable areas and positions.

The men who commit rape should not be allowed to cover their faces in public.Their names should be printed and paraded about.

For medieval mindsets and patriarchal norms in India , we need medieval punishments and deterrents. Otherwise apathetic men and women like Kakoli Ghosh will continue to spout bakwas and remain in power !

If capital punishment is made for rape,it may not stop rape but it might motivate Indian men and women to bring up their sons more responsibly and may instill more confidence in women to move about freely in this country. The girl died ....and this has instilled fear in parents of girls and indian women of all ages.

If nothing is done about this Indian women will live in fear and rapists and indian men and women with patriarchal mindsets would have won.......................by a huge margin !