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Long absence because I'm struggling against a personal tragedy that had mostly left me emotionally lame .Since, I've marginally grown stronger and in dedication to my mom's spirit i thought I'll write. My mom is currently bed ridden and terminally ill and taken care by me and dad. Our days and nights since last 9 months are revolving around her. Among this misery, the good news is that I became an Aunt 7 months ago.
Mom always accepted situations that she could not change ....I'm very bad at accepting calmly what is beyond and out of my hands.Currently this blow is teaching me that.
This blow is teaching me to prepare nutritious liquid diets,soups,changing diapers,sponging and nursing,running the house,cooking for others in the family,sometimes buying groceries and running out to get medicines,washing clothes(thanks to washing machine).Doing each and everything with my 2 hands.Mom said life is the greatest teacher and hard work will not kill you. I'm doing just that -slogging.Family friends look pityingly at me and ask us to get help- some bai. I tell them i've one bai for cleaning the house and washing utensils and she gives enough headache..besides i want to do this last bit for mom. Sure..i get frustrated especially when my one sis is working full time and other one is tending to her baby and they don't do as much.I crib too because i have this nagging and cribbing bone in me. Right now there is no feed back from Mom ..she is in semi conscious state so i feel even more let down.
I bought a camera seven months ago only to click mom's photos for memorabilia.And yeah, right now, I don't have a "life" to speak off. But i don't care..my introverted and low tolerance level for superficial social life always limited me to few people whom I care aboutAnother thing i learned,i don't have anyone who i can wake up at 3 am ,bawl ,talk randomly about my pain over and over again.If you have someone like that in your life,count yourself lucky and guard them like treasure !
When i sleep these days its because I'm tired .