Ode to Mom

My Mom was superhuman. You see all those moms in Bollywood films pushing cloth through the sewing machine sadness writ large on her face ....well sewing machine part is where the similarity ends.Instead imagine my mom . ....Cutting pattern for colorful frocks, dainty midis, tops for skirts and even school uniforms and she worked in between preparing meals,praying and shopping for groceries !

My mom made sewing looked pretty and a breeze. I have always seen her cheerful and slowly working away on a dress or punjabi.Earlier i was too young to understand the kind of hard work and intelligence that went in sewing clothes not just kaam chaloa but beautiful and dainty which looked like branded ready-mades.

Now that I sew myself i know how much work it is to make a perfect kurta which looks like  ready-made. I am my Mom's daughter as i grow older i am more her than ever before. I started sewing properly 5-6 year ago- from knowing nothing to actually sewing garments !My journey is still on. I have never been to classes. i learnt from books, and by actually doing the old fashioned way !

I regret the nakhras i did.. when i got older. the neck is too small ,its not the color  i want ..its not the style i want. When i look back now, i guess i was spoiled because i have grown up wearing pretty frocks,skirts salwar kameez made by mom. Now that mom was growing older, and I taller, and with 2 other daughters i guess life took a toll on mom.

When i see clothes in the market today ...everything in malls is boring and absolutely with almost zero patterning and outrageously costly at that. i sew simple kurtas with trimmings , lace and that too looks flamboyant compared to those available in malls.

Nowadays i feel i wear simpler kurtas than i wore in my teenage and early 20's - Mom made so much more intricately patterned kurtas and salwar kameezes when we grew up.Sigh ! I have lots too learn in sewing to be as good as Mom. I wish i had started sewing earlier.

My sisters i feel are dressed even more poorly when it comes to indian wear.They buy off the shelf because they don't know sewing and i guess not interested either.There is nothing wrong in that but i feel sad because we have Mom's legacy - when we were poorer my mom made us look like Rich man's daughters-always dressed well.She utilised every scrap and every half metre of cloth remaining to make us and the house look good.

I recycle clothes usually those which are still strong and barely used- just like mom. Instead of throwing away unwanted barely used clothes we can turn them into some new clothing or a bag or something . Possibilities are endless ! Sometimes i get overwhelmed and do give away because you guessed recycling requires lot of creativity, imagination and proper planning. Since i am not married,i don't have kids i can make pretty frocks for and therefore recycle at a faster rate ! :-P

Mom i miss you and wished i had started sewing under you earlier and therefore for a longer period of time !

yeh na thi hamari kismat........

दिखाई दिये यूं कि बेख़ुद किया
हमें आप से भी जुदा कर चले

जबीं सजदा करते ही करते गई
हक़-ए-बन्दगी हम अदा कर चले

परस्तिश की यां तक कि अय बुत तुझे
नज़र में सभों की ख़ुदा कर चले

बहुत आरज़ू थी गली की तेरी
सो यां से लहू में नहा कर चले 

- मीर ताकी मीर 
  
तुम न आए तो क्या सहर न हुई
हाँ मगर चैन से बसर  न हुई
मेरा नाला सुना ज़माने ने
एक तुम हो जिसे ख़बर न हुई

-मिर्ज़ा ग़ालिब 

 नुक्‌तह-चीं है ग़म-ए दिल उस को सुनाए न बने
क्‌या बने बात जहां बात बनाए न बने

मैं बुलाता तो हूं उस को मगर अय जज़्‌बह-ए दिल
उस पह बन जाए कुछ ऐसी कि बिन आए न बने

खेल सम्‌झा है कहीं छोड़ न दे भूल न जाए
काश यूं भी हो कि बिन मेरे सताए न बने

ग़ैर फिर्‌ता है लिये यूं तिरे ख़त को कि अगर
कोई पूछे कि यह क्‌या है तो छुपाए न बने

इस नज़ाकत का बुरा हो वह भले हैं तो क्‌या
हाथ आवें तो उंहें हाथ लगाए न बने

कह सके कौन कि यह जल्‌वह-गरी किस की है
पर्‌दह छोड़ा है वह उस ने कि उठाए न बने

मौत की राह न देखूं कि बिन आए न रहे
तुम को चाहूं कि न आओ तो बुलाए न बने

बोझ वह सर से गिरा है कि उठाए न उठे
काम वह आन पड़ा है कि बनाए न बने

`इश्‌क़ पर ज़ोर नहीं है यह वह आतिश ग़ालिब
कि लगाए न लगे और बुझाए न बने
-मिर्ज़ा ग़ालिब 

Source:1

Do you need a lipbalm ?

May be you need one in Antartica ,Artic,Alaska or maybe even Canada throughout the year. .....But do you need one in india? That too a 150-200 bucks chapstick?

Frankly speaking , i don't understand the craze about lipbalms except perhaps that one would like them because they are orangey, strawberry like or even minty !

Earlier only a cream colored horrible smelling chapsticks were available and most people i knew while growing up applied petroleum jelly [vaseline],coconut oil or desi ghee that too in winters when even smiling became difficult without a little grease !

 The first chapstick i bought was cocoa one of Lotus for merely 60 bucks probably around 6-7 years ago.I really liked it. It was soft like lipstick and it actually worked in winters.Earlier i used it only in winters...then i got addicted to the sheen and started using it almost throughout the year [most days when i remembered it,that is]

Well, that started a circle....untill one day a brick fell over my head and i remembered i had only used vaseline in winters that too over oil layer for so many years after my toddler phase and i never had chapped lips except due to cold wintry winds.

And here i was diligently applying Nivea, Neutrogena and had finished 2 tubes of lotus lipbalms and still everyday i got up in the morning with chapped lips.

Well, i had to test my hypothesis- Were lipbalms just a temporary barrier and were actually causing my lips to dry up through out the year ?

I have stopped using lipbalm from last 2 month :- cold turkey ! i still use lipsticks but over a layer of moisturizer or olive oil or ghee. I have 2 tubes of Nivea fruity shines which i use over lipsticks for guess what - shine !

And i am happy to report my lips have gone to back where i had left them ages ago. They are soft and smooth and not cracked at all and i plan to continue the same in winters with of course a thick layer of vaseline over the oil/ghee.

Moral of the story: I don't think you really need lipbalms - the lipsticks these days are super moisturizing and i think lipbalms perpetuate dry chapped lips through out the year instead of only in winters.
But if you want to use balms/jelly in lieu of lipstick, I think it'll function as a barrier,make it easier to smile,improve the look and feel of lips temporarily and probably never 'cure' chapped lips !

Do you agree? What do you have to say ?

Lotion -Potion!

I am not a lotion person . I never remember to apply moisturizer soon after a shower[ usually i don't have the time]. I remember and apply moisturizer only in winters when my skin is dry and stretchy[ in winters stretchy skin is hard to ignore and therefore applying a moisturiser is a requirement].

However, i love pampering myself and i find a simple oil-sugar scrub both relaxing and moisturizing ! I have been applying oil long before i knew anything about abhyanga or anything about ayurveda. My mom used to ask us to apply coconut oil after bath if skin felt dry and stretchy when we were kids and she used to do the same. Coconut oil is ubiquitous in india and lightest of most oils.

I came to know about 'winter care lotions ' when - you guessed it- Lakme introduced it in the markets ! So , for Pune's winters [ almost 16-17 years] we bought our first winter care lotion that everyone in the house used.

I didn't know about OCM except till now. I never knew that i was 'OCMming' when i applied coconut/sesame oil on my face and washed it off with face wash or soap. For years i applied oil to my face and body before bath atleast once a week..... .just plain oil , sesame, coconut and recently olive oil sometimes.

Now ,of course, OCM [oil cleansing method] and abhyanga is all over the internet and TV and the hype around ayurveda and the interest is tremendous!

You don't have to moisturize.In India, some cities are humid and hot and others are dry and hot. We are being sold huge on moisturizers and body lotions ! But everyone doesn't need it all the time and in every season. And believe me in winter months, the commonly available lotions are just not enough.

Most people break out because they use fragrant rich lotion on wrong skin type and in wrong season ! We definitely don't need 'body butters'. For most people a water based emollient or a light coating of mineral oil or petroleum jelly would be just enough.Anyways, that is what is there in all those lotions out there ! ---Paraffin liquidum[ Paraffin oil], Mineral oil and emollients like cetyl alcohol, stearyl alcohol etc.

For the longest time, I use to mix petroleum jelly in my normal light lotion for winters when i was college going girl always short on pocket money because i had read it in some hindi magazine and it worked ! And i still do that in a pinch. You'll always find petroleum jelly in my house !

Moreover, all of us have 'dry spots'. Like some people do lot of housework or hard work with hands for them heavy moisturizer for arms and hands is a must in any season ! I have dry facial skin and dry areas on arms and legs so i moisturize only those areas.

For some years now, i do oil massage only once in 2-3 months because of laziness, and lack of interest ! So i do the next best thing, I mix kokum butter in my regular moisturiser and a bit of glycerin and make my regular moisturiser 'heavy'. Sometimes i do add a bit of fresh coconut oil and i mix up small batches and use it in winters. I find it works just as well !

I usually buy big bottles of Nivea or recently i am using ayur's moisturiser because it is light and not greasy perfect for summers and rains !

In past i have worked with ,Nivea, garnier Body coccoon ,Khadi .I find this way i don't need to buy separate moisturizers for different seasons and there is no clutter.

I use Kokum butter. It has established antiaging properties and is excellent for skin. I buy 250g-500g of kokum butter whenever i go to my Mom's native .I melt kokum butter and use it straight as night cream too. I use it on my feet and elbows and from last 4years it has worked well for me. If you can get raw unrefined/ refined cocoa butter or shea butter you can use it the same way.

In a waterbath, take a clean dry cup and melt your kokum butter[or any other nut butter] once melted just add your lotion and a bit of glycerin. Make small portions and store it in fridge if you want to . There you have your rich lotion. Kokum butter will thicken up the lotion and if used in more quantity will make smooth lotion into a cream. So use little and increase quantity as required. I use 10-20 gm in 50 ml of lotion.

There is no need to add fragrance. I don't recommend any fragrant plant oils in skin care especially lotions. For people who have dry skin and extremely dry skin.I recommend Cetaphil.

However, for normal maintenance of skin and for lazy people like me, oil massage once a week would do wonders ! I prefer plain coconut or sesame oil but then again peanut, light vegetable oil would work just fine !

Curioser curioser

Eid ul- fitr comes every year and everyone who knows me knows that I am muslim.Colleagues over the years have seen me fasting if not praying namaaz over the years at office premises.

Nowadays eid is fitfully given some media coverage over news channels and practically everyone in government jobs enjoys eid holiday and so do those in schools and colleges.

And yet, people forget to wish me 'eid mubarak'. They do not forget to ask for sheer kurma and seviyan[ especially the colleagues] but they don't want to come home for it.Most them can't even remember to say two words' Eid mubarak'.

Over the years , i hadn't realized this and used to always ignore this but it has piled on.Most of my non muslim friends do not wish me on eid . Years ago i used to go out of my way to wish 'happy diwali and send ecards  so they receive on the main day ,used to call up and wish happy diwali first but nobody did the same to me on eid. It struck me one day ...that my friends who belonged to 'majority' knew nothing about my religion and were not even interested to know. They were happy with very superficial knowledge which media like newspapers or TV dispersed. They were not interested my festivals...and funny thing is all my friends and acquaintances are educated and well to do.

They know about sheerkurma and seviyan but they don't wish on eid !I know they know because they ask for it ! They know there are two eids in a year  but most don't know which one is which ! This is sheer ignorance when even an average 'uneducated' muslim knows  a lot about Diwali, holi, raksha bandhan and christmas. Muslims are largest minority in India its high time the majority took some pains to get to know us well.

Anyway, i had to unwillingly reach to a conclusion and make a decision. Now i wish only those people 'Happy Diwali' and 'Merry Christmas' who wish me 'eid mubarak'.Sounds petty, I know but i have been going out of my way for years and years.