Why do I always lose?
.....
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
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Long absence because I'm struggling against a personal tragedy that had mostly left me emotionally lame .Since, I've marginally grown stronger and in dedication to my mom's spirit i thought I'll write. My mom is currently bed ridden and terminally ill and taken care by me and dad. Our days and nights since last 9 months are revolving around her. Among this misery, the good news is that I became an Aunt 7 months ago.
Mom always accepted situations that she could not change ....I'm very bad at accepting calmly what is beyond and out of my hands.Currently this blow is teaching me that.
This blow is teaching me to prepare nutritious liquid diets,soups,changing diapers,sponging and nursing,running the house,cooking for others in the family,sometimes buying groceries and running out to get medicines,washing clothes(thanks to washing machine).Doing each and everything with my 2 hands.Mom said life is the greatest teacher and hard work will not kill you. I'm doing just that -slogging.Family friends look pityingly at me and ask us to get help- some bai. I tell them i've one bai for cleaning the house and washing utensils and she gives enough headache..besides i want to do this last bit for mom. Sure..i get frustrated especially when my one sis is working full time and other one is tending to her baby and they don't do as much.I crib too because i have this nagging and cribbing bone in me. Right now there is no feed back from Mom ..she is in semi conscious state so i feel even more let down.
I bought a camera seven months ago only to click mom's photos for memorabilia.And yeah, right now, I don't have a "life" to speak off. But i don't care..my introverted and low tolerance level for superficial social life always limited me to few people whom I care aboutAnother thing i learned,i don't have anyone who i can wake up at 3 am ,bawl ,talk randomly about my pain over and over again.If you have someone like that in your life,count yourself lucky and guard them like treasure !
When i sleep these days its because I'm tired .
Mom always accepted situations that she could not change ....I'm very bad at accepting calmly what is beyond and out of my hands.Currently this blow is teaching me that.
This blow is teaching me to prepare nutritious liquid diets,soups,changing diapers,sponging and nursing,running the house,cooking for others in the family,sometimes buying groceries and running out to get medicines,washing clothes(thanks to washing machine).Doing each and everything with my 2 hands.Mom said life is the greatest teacher and hard work will not kill you. I'm doing just that -slogging.Family friends look pityingly at me and ask us to get help- some bai. I tell them i've one bai for cleaning the house and washing utensils and she gives enough headache..besides i want to do this last bit for mom. Sure..i get frustrated especially when my one sis is working full time and other one is tending to her baby and they don't do as much.I crib too because i have this nagging and cribbing bone in me. Right now there is no feed back from Mom ..she is in semi conscious state so i feel even more let down.
I bought a camera seven months ago only to click mom's photos for memorabilia.And yeah, right now, I don't have a "life" to speak off. But i don't care..my introverted and low tolerance level for superficial social life always limited me to few people whom I care aboutAnother thing i learned,i don't have anyone who i can wake up at 3 am ,bawl ,talk randomly about my pain over and over again.If you have someone like that in your life,count yourself lucky and guard them like treasure !
When i sleep these days its because I'm tired .
Monday, 16 November 2009
Honest friend
Nowadays nobody tells as it is in friendship. And then people wonder why they have so few real friends and why it always seem that friendships have reduced to eating out at a fancy joint and put on weight with sugared coffee at cafe ! Or worst -about keeping tabs on how many times you called them and the many times they called you [this calling business is worst for people like me who use mobiles to talk to the point and feel uncomfortable discussing economic situation in Africa on the mobile or worst small talk !]
I and many people complain that real friendships have disappeared and i feel envious of people who have buddies whom they can call at 3 am without feeling any obligation [ and not because they're schmuck but have real good understanding between them]
I've always been direct and for a long time if any of my friends asked for honesty ,i gave it. Now, I think twice,many times thrice [and sometimes i have stomachache because i'm dying to blurt].Nowadays, I don't give honest opinion because many people cannot handle it.They feel slighted and then turn on me to take their revenge.So, i have only a one or two friends where we tell as it is.I love it when someone tells me as it especially if its a constructive reality about me and when i know my friend has no agenda and nothing to gain from it.
It makes for real friendship and real respect.
Someone told me that friends too come with an expiry date.I don't know about that. I think generally people leave because they don't care and love you any more and therefore they are unwilling to tolerate your psychotic,moody or schizophrenic or eccentric or idiosyncratic existence.Or maybe they bored to death with you.Maybe you are too demanding, too egoistic ,too arrogant,too much of a liar[white lies included !],or plain bogus phony to begin with.
And sometimes, its got nothing to do with you at all !
Learning to live with loneliness and aloneness and find best practices for coping is extremely crucial in these times.
I and many people complain that real friendships have disappeared and i feel envious of people who have buddies whom they can call at 3 am without feeling any obligation [ and not because they're schmuck but have real good understanding between them]
I've always been direct and for a long time if any of my friends asked for honesty ,i gave it. Now, I think twice,many times thrice [and sometimes i have stomachache because i'm dying to blurt].Nowadays, I don't give honest opinion because many people cannot handle it.They feel slighted and then turn on me to take their revenge.So, i have only a one or two friends where we tell as it is.I love it when someone tells me as it especially if its a constructive reality about me and when i know my friend has no agenda and nothing to gain from it.
It makes for real friendship and real respect.
Someone told me that friends too come with an expiry date.I don't know about that. I think generally people leave because they don't care and love you any more and therefore they are unwilling to tolerate your psychotic,moody or schizophrenic or eccentric or idiosyncratic existence.Or maybe they bored to death with you.Maybe you are too demanding, too egoistic ,too arrogant,too much of a liar[white lies included !],or plain bogus phony to begin with.
And sometimes, its got nothing to do with you at all !
Learning to live with loneliness and aloneness and find best practices for coping is extremely crucial in these times.
Love
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way that this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
- Pablo Neruda
x-x-x
I think that: there are those who suffer at the hands of those whom they love because they are afraid to lose them.
Then there are those who suffer because they understand,empathize and love inspite of the reality of the person they love. They love truly, they suffer the most.
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
The forces of mediocrity
"Maybe it should be, "the forces for mediocrity"...
There's a myth that all you need to do is outline your vision and prove it, right ? Then, quite suddenly, people will line up and support you.
In fact, the opposite is true. Remarkable visions and genuine insight are always met with resistance. And when you start to make progress, your efforts are met with even more resistance. Products, services, career paths... whatever it is, the forces for mediocrity will align to stop you, forgiving no errors and never backing down until it's over.
If it were any other way, it would be easy. And if it were any other way, everyone would do it and your work would ultimately be devalued. The yin and yang are clear: without people pushing against your quest to do something worth talking about, it's unlikely it would be worth the journey. Persist."
x--------x
P.S: I don't know where i got this from and who said this. However , its not mine !
There's a myth that all you need to do is outline your vision and prove it, right ? Then, quite suddenly, people will line up and support you.
In fact, the opposite is true. Remarkable visions and genuine insight are always met with resistance. And when you start to make progress, your efforts are met with even more resistance. Products, services, career paths... whatever it is, the forces for mediocrity will align to stop you, forgiving no errors and never backing down until it's over.
If it were any other way, it would be easy. And if it were any other way, everyone would do it and your work would ultimately be devalued. The yin and yang are clear: without people pushing against your quest to do something worth talking about, it's unlikely it would be worth the journey. Persist."
x--------x
P.S: I don't know where i got this from and who said this. However , its not mine !
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